In Too Deep (Winter Games Book 4) Read online

  “Priss, meet Tamsin,” a rasped voice drawled sarcastically from my right as though he’d introduced me to my true self. I folded my arms in front of my chest, burying my hands in my sweater as I slowly looked over to where he stood, leaning casually against the doorframe. Everything about him screamed calm detachment, everything except for his eyes and his erection, both hard from desire that was demanding to be set free.

  “I already have plans to take care of that, Little Miss Virgin. Don’t you worry,” he snickered darkly, words that echoed with the implication that I wasn’t experienced enough to take care of his needs. For men like Nick Frost, virginity was an unprofitable hassle.

  “I should go,” I said quietly. To my surprise, he walked me to the door.

  Stepping over the threshold back out into reality, I turned to him. “Thank you.” Again, the wrong words. But I didn’t have the right ones. There were no right ones.

  Like a flash of lightning in the distance, I saw hurt wince across his face before it thundered into irritation. His jaw muscle tensed as he clenched, the muscles in his arm holding the door flexed. The smirk he gave me was colder than a Siberian winter and then he was gone, and I was standing in front of the ornate wooden door once more—like I’d never even been inside.

  “Earth to Tammy…” My head shook off the last of the memories that I’d already replayed ad nauseam like a Michael Bublé album during Christmastime. Becca stood in the doorway waiting for me to join her. It was time for us to open for the morning.

  “Yeah.” I swallowed. “Sorry.”

  “What’s going on with you today?” she demanded. Becca was the kind of friend and co-worker that if I didn’t give her an answer that satisfied her, she wouldn’t let it go.

  “I didn’t sleep well last night.” Not a lie.

  She sat back in her chair, murmuring in acknowledgment but eyeing me suspiciously.

  “I believe that, but I’m curious as to why. This morning was the first time in the past… well, since it happened, that you haven’t asked me if I heard from Sofia or anything on Lila.”

  Also Frost’s fault.

  “Just a lot on my mind.” Too much.

  She sent me a concerned look. “Well, just make up for it tonight.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t.” I sighed. “Ally and Jessa want me to go to the Snowmass Bash. And I already told them I would.”

  “You know you don’t always have to do everything that you’ve promised, right? Sometimes, you can say no. You can change your mind.”

  Knowing and being able to do that were two very different concepts.

  “We should open,” I murmured and stood up, heading for the door before more questions headed my way.

  I’d just gotten to the resort, walking aimlessly through the crowd as the scents of beer and burning wood assaulted my nose. I zipped up my practical black fleece jacket tighter even though I wasn’t cold. Everyone looked like they’d been drinking before coming to the event, and being around lots of people—lots of drunk people—made me nervous, so the jacket became a shield.

  “Tammy?”

  I spun hearing my name from an unfamiliar source.

  “Yes…” I said slowly, vaguely recognizing the face but drawing a blank on his name.

  “Kyle,” he continued, his lips parting to reveal the most beautiful smile. “From Peak’s Pub the other weekend. I work with Jessa. I was the guy fumbling with the guitar on stage…”

  “Oh!” Recognition bloomed. There were a million other memories that took precedence from that night and unfortunately, meeting one of Jessa’s new co-workers—and the locally-famous musician—wasn’t one of them. “I-I’m sorry. Yes. I remember now.” I shook my head and mumbled, “It’s been a busy week, my mind is a little scattered.” Understatement of the century.

  Not now, Heart.

  “Don’t worry about it.” His smile grew, making him look like he belonged in an Abercrombie poster instead of out here in the cold. He was also a physical therapist at the center, so his sculpted build made a lot of sense. “I just recognized you walking and you looked a little lost.”

  To say the least…

  “Yeah,” I laughed a little. “I’m actually looking for Jessa and Ally. I haven’t been to the Bash before. I wasn’t expecting so many people.”

  “Oh yeah,” he agreed, looking around. “Give it another hour or so and it’s going to get real crazy.”

  Great.

  “If I had to guess, they are probably over by the bar since that’s like the main entrance.” He nodded over his shoulder. Probably seeing the grimace on my face since he’d just told me to head farther into the crowd, he offered, “I was heading over that way anyway to meet some friends if you want to walk with me.”

  I gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

  He even stuck out his elbow for me to hang onto as my feet crunched softly into the packed remnants of snow.

  “So, you work at Open Hearts, right?”

  “Yes. I’m one of the managers there,” I spoke quietly as we drifted through the crowd in search of our friends.

  “That’s awesome. I like kids and all, but I can’t imagine being surrounded by so many all day, every day,” he said wryly.

  A small smile tugged over my lips and I admitted, “I love kids.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, Jessa may have mentioned that once or twice.”

  “Did she tell you how I’m the perpetual mom of the group?” Something that was a mix between a groan and a laugh escaped me. I was surprised how easily comfortable I felt in his presence.

  Unlike Nick Frost who threw my every sense into complete mayhem, I could remain in control around Kyle and I appreciated that. I think…

  “She may have said something along those lines,” he admitted with a smile. “It was said with love though, I swear. Plus” —he leaned in conspiratorially—“someone needs to keep an eye on that La Croix addiction that she has…”

  An unexpected laugh escaped me thinking about our mutual friend’s problem with the sparkling water. And then, I felt it—I felt him. There was cold along the back of my neck, as if with just a look, he covered me in a layer of frost, claiming me as his own.

  We didn’t make it to the bar, and I didn’t even have a chance to respond before strong arms wrapped around me. I flinched because I hadn’t even been paying attention to my surroundings.

  I took a breath in of pink hair.

  “There you are!” Jessa pulled back and looked at me and then over to Kyle. “Hey, Kyle! Long time, no see,” she joked.

  “Yeah,” he laughed. “I ran into Tammy here. I walked up to her like a weirdo—she probably thought I was some creep.”

  I shook my head. “Definitely not. It just took me a minute.”

  Jessa looked confused between us, but before she could ask, Kyle said, “Oh, there are my bandmates! I gotta run! It was great seeing you again, Tammy. Jessa.”

  And then he leaned in and hugged each of us. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been hugged by a guy.

  It felt… nice.

  He was nice.

  But, I still felt the cold.

  “What just…” Jessa began as soon as he was gone.

  “I didn’t recognize him, that’s all. He came up to me and I stared like a deer in headlights. It’s fine.” I sighed. Not like he was going to be interested in me anyway.

  “Oh.” Jessa waved at me. “Don’t worry about it. Kyle is a great guy. But we can talk about that opportunity later…”

  I groaned inwardly. The last thing I needed right now was to be set up with a great guy.

  Her hands gripped into my shoulder as she bent her head closer to mine as the number of people around us grew. “Tammy, what happened? Why didn’t you call me? I’ve been worried sick. I almost came to the daycare this morning…”

  She was so close I was afraid that my eyes were going to go crossed.

  Guilt, again, assaulted me. She’d called me yesterday. I’d clicked on t
he missed calls screen because I couldn’t stand the little red bubble that had the number five written in it; I hadn’t called her back though. Cowardly, I opted for a text that said I just needed some time and that we would talk soon.

  “I…” I looked around. So many people. “I can’t talk about it here. Not now.”

  “No, Tammy, this is enough.” I knew this tone; it was the one she’d used when she worked with me at the daycare with children who were misbehaving.

  “Jessa,” I said, defeated. “I promise, I will tell you. I need to tell you. And Ally.” But if I even let a crumb of the thought cross my mind right now, I know I’m going to crumble. “But I can’t do it here. I don’t even know h-how to say it yet. Please… L-let’s get together this weekend, okay?”

  I prayed that the desperation I felt was at least conveyed by my expression if not my words.

  Her lips pursed. And then, more company arrived.

  “Tammy!” Ally butted right in and hugged me. “What’s going on?” She looked between the two of us, picking up that something wasn’t right.

  “Tammy was actually just saying that we should have a girls’ night at her place this weekend, right, Tam?” Jessa interjected and raised her eyebrow at me.

  “Y-yeah. If that works for you, Ally.”

  “Oh yeah! That would be awesome! Saturday?”

  I just nodded. That gave me a few days to figure out how to say the words out loud that my vocal cords insisted they didn’t know how to.

  “Where’s Chance and Emmett?” Jessa asked, realizing that Ally had come over alone.

  “I left them at the bar to get drinks. They ran into Nick.” She gave us both a knowing look—except she had no idea.

  “Oh, here they come.” A smile lit up her face when she saw Chance.

  After all these years, they were finally back where they belonged—with each other. Seeing them both, my two best friends, and what they had with their boyfriends, it warmed my soul that had begun to grow cold with hopelessness.

  “Hey, Tammy,” Chance greeted me, but quickly only had eyes for Jessa. “Your gin and tonic, J-bird.” She took the drink, but not without reaching up and giving him a kiss.

  “Tammy,” Emmett said with a small smile that grew exponentially, like a flower underneath Ally’s sun when he looked down at her and pulled her into his arms.

  My gaze fell to my feet, the only ones alone in the snow. And then I felt them. Goosebumps climbing up my chilled spine like they were competing in American Ninja.

  Nick.

  He’d been watching me this whole time. I met his cloudy gaze as he walked up next to Chance, flask in hand. I couldn’t stop staring. Casually dressed in dark jeans, Timberland boots, a Henley tee that seemed glued to abs that I no longer needed to imagine, and a zip-up jacket, I was melting all over again.

  My mouth watered, wanting to remember again every last millisecond of what happened last night. And he stared back, looking like it was all he could do to try and forget.

  “Hey, Nick!” Ally was the first to address him in her usual bubbly fashion.

  “Ally.” He looked at her as though he was grateful for any excuse not to look at me.

  If the hole in my stomach could get any bigger, it did. The man whose eyes had seen what no other man had, the man whose lips had touched parts of me that I probably hadn’t even touched, the man who had done things to my body that I was sure Urban Dictionary hadn’t even come up with a name for yet, now acted like he wanted nothing to do with me.

  No, like nothing had happened.

  Those same fogged eyes looked over me like they had for the past decade—as though I wasn’t worth a blink. They weren’t the same eyes who’d stared at my sex last night and told me that I was ‘Almost perfect.’

  Of course, Tamsin. Don’t be foolish. Frost probably slept with at least one, possibly two, women since you left last night without thinking twice. What he did to you was probably as routine as brushing his teeth every morning.

  You may have needed him, but what could he possibly have needed from you?

  In that moment, I reached inside and pulled out the mask that I’d spent my entire life perfecting—the mom-mask that showed complete control even when everything could be—was—falling apart.

  “You bring your own booze, Frost?” Emmett asked, eyeing the flask.

  Nick pointedly took a sip from it—still not looking at me—before answering, “They only have beer. Tonight is my night off and I need a fucking drink.”

  My brow furrowed. What did he mean by ‘night off’? What did he do? Besides graphic design. From his home.

  “Rough week?” Ally asked.

  “Nothing special.” He took another sip, now looking at me over the edge.

  Nothing special. I was nothing special.

  “You looking for a sip there, Miss Priss?” he goaded with an edge in his voice, knowing that I’d been looking at him and not the metal container of alcohol.

  My lips tightened. “No, thank you.”

  “You sure?” he taunted, the hard lines of his jaw the only thing sharper than the words that came next. “I can put some ice in it if that will change your mind.” My mouth went dry. “But only if you ask nicely.”

  Nick Frost was like a snowstorm. Beautiful to look at, but cold and cruel if you actually had to venture into the middle of his wrath.

  Jessa, or even Ally, would have had some witty, sarcastic retort. Instead, they stared back and forth between us wondering why Nick Frost had just spoken more words to me tonight than he had in the past three months. But I wasn’t like them, I could only numbly repeat myself, letting him add insult to my injuries. “No, thank you.”

  “Leave her alone, Nick,” Jessa stepped in and said. They’d been on better terms since she and Chance got back together and worked through the jealousy and hurt that had been misplaced since high school. In spite of that, Jess was more than willing to step all over that newfound peace right now—for me.

  He didn’t even look at her, only took another sip from the flask before saying, “Alright, well you kids enjoy your marshmallows. I need to go find myself a snack for tonight; I’ve been starved the past few days.” His insinuating eyes were on me the entire time.

  Smirking, he walked into the crowd. I refused to let my gaze follow him.

  “What’s his problem?” Jessa asked, but at least she turned to Chance when looking for an answer.

  “Probably Eliza.”

  I barely heard the mumbled words; clearly, he wasn’t trying to advertise his speculation.

  “Alright, let’s go roast these marshmallows! I’ve been craving them all day!” Ally exclaimed, not willing to let one cold SnowmassHole ruin the night.

  “Please,” Emmett grumbled. “If I have to hear one more word about these s’mores…”

  Ally playfully smacked his arm and he pulled her tight to him as we all walked toward one of the fires.

  Standing in between the two couples that were momentarily engaged with themselves rather than me, I allowed my brain to wander.

  In a matter of a day, all of my organized life was crumbling at the seams. The C-word hung over me like an ominous cloud, the exact ramifications I wouldn’t know until next week when I sat down with my newly-acquired oncologist. And Nick… Well, I had no idea what had just happened.

  But I’m sure this was because this is what happens when you don’t date and avoid men like Nick like the plague… because that’s what he was—infectious and deadly.

  Had I done something wrong?

  Probably.

  Even the sight of the burning fire couldn’t hold my gaze. Once he was gone, I had to find him. I knew exactly where to look because the right side of my body burned—hot or cold, I couldn’t tell—from where he was watching me, too.

  Underneath my lashes, I saw him sitting by a firepit that was two groups over; he was surrounded by girls. Some of them looked familiar to me—maybe high school? Actually, one of them looked like the other girl tha
t Jessa and Kyle worked with—the one they couldn’t stand. Mandy…Maddy… Monroe!

  If he didn’t want me, then why did he even tell me to come over. Why did he say the things he did? Why did he touch me like I’d given him the keys to Heaven?

  More pieces of me crumbled as, an hour or so later, my eyes caught him walking off with Monroe and some blonde I didn’t know toward the parking lot. I shouldn’t have expected anything different; this was Nick Frost I’d gotten involved with after all.

  He’d given me what I asked for. I couldn’t—shouldn’t—complain that he didn’t want anything in return.

  My heart responded, but then why did he look at me like I was the hope that his soul needed to survive?

  I REACHED UP AND FLIPPED the showerhead to wash off the cum that stained the tiled wall. Fucking mess. Turning the stream back onto me, I let water drip over my face and down my body, trying to wash off the dirt that stained my soul.

  What the hell had I been thinking? I should have never told her to come here.

  But she’d been desperate for me. She… the one who never bothered with any guy, let alone the biggest manwhore in all of Aspen.

  Sometimes, I only did things because I wanted to see the shock it wrought over her innocent and naive face. It was the only time she let me see the effect I had on her. Like the time I’d coerced her chemistry partner into giving me head when I knew that they were going to meet to work on a lab; it was the bright red flush on her face walking through the door that had made me come. I started having parties because I wanted to draw her out from that perfect little cocoon that she’d wrapped herself in. I wanted to get underneath it. I wanted to see the goddamn butterfly that she kept from the world.

  But she never came.

  Then my dad died, and Stone came into the picture. Weed and cocaine became my two dominant food groups. And from there, I’d buried myself underneath so many layers of shit that seeing her shine was like trying to see the sun in the middle of the fucking night.

  But yesterday, she’d been desperate for me. Me.

  And in the middle of my slowly getting better, but still fucked up life, I grasped onto that straw like it was a fucking oxygen mask twenty-thousand leagues under the sea.